


Father Knows Best

by keepyourpantsongohan



Series: Kakayama Week 2018 [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Babysitting, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, Family, Humour, KakaYama Week 2018, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 06:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14562585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepyourpantsongohan/pseuds/keepyourpantsongohan
Summary: “I ran into the kids on the way home,” he calls out as he moves towards the kitchen. “They seemed exhausted, so I thought tonight we should offer to watch—”“Sarada,” says Kakashi, appearing with the little girl in his arms.“Boruto,” Tenzō finishes weakly, nodding at the young boy in his own.(Kakayama Week 2018 Day 1: Team 7 Dads)





	Father Knows Best

Carrying a baby, Tenzō discovers, is nothing like carrying a weapon. Over the years, he has accomplished many tasks with one hand filled with kunai, shuriken, or a katana. He’s scaled mountains, he’s jumped onto moving vehicles, he’s even performed mokuton one-handed. Yet here he is, struggling to open a door while attempting to convince the infant in his grasp that his metal happuri is a terrible place to soothe gums. 

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he mutters. Finally he reaches into one of the bags he set down and hands the baby a walnut, hoping the complex texture will distract the child long enough for him to open the door. 

It’s an effective strategy, and Tenzō breathes a sigh of relief as he brings himself, the baby and the food inside all at once. 

“I ran into the kids on the way home,” he calls out as he moves towards the kitchen. “They seemed exhausted, so I thought tonight we should offer to watch—”

“Sarada,” says Kakashi, appearing with the little girl in his arms.

“Boruto,” Tenzō finishes weakly, nodding at the young boy in his own. 

“Oh,” says Kakashi. As if on cue, Sarada begins to cry. Kakashi pats her head, with a degree of patience that can only come from practice. “There, there. Your flak vest is covered in drool, Tenzō.”

Tenzō glances down at his left shoulder, where Boruto has managed to produce an alarming amount of saliva in such a short period. He sighs. “He’s teething. That’s the reason I thought Naruto and Hinata needed a night off. He hasn’t been sleeping well, so neither have they.”

Surprisingly authoritative for a man who has begun to sway in a circle with a baby, Kakashi says, “Doesn’t look we will tonight either.” 

He sets his items down, wondering if the bag he’s taken from Hinata has any toys that might distract Sarada. “Maybe it’s a good thing. This way Naruto and Sakura won’t argue about us playing favourites between their kids.” Tenzō pauses. “Although, come to think of it, it’s possible we’ll hear something from Sai about this.”

“We are not letting them outnumber us,” says Kakashi gravely. “If we watch Inojin, it’ll be a different week. Ideally, one where he has learned to walk, talk, and go to the bathroom by himself.”

“You’re expecting a lot from a child less than a year old.”

Kakashi sighs. “I certainly didn’t ask our whole team to reproduce at once.” He pokes Sarada on the nose as he says it, which undermines the exasperation in his tone. Without even looking in his direction, Kakashi asks bemusedly, “What’s in Boruto’s mouth?”

Tenzō’s gaze darts down to find that Boruto has gotten bored of playing with the walnut and has promptly decided to eat it, despite not having a large enough mouth, or a full set of teeth for that matter. “No,” he tells the baby, pulling out the moist food. 

It is the wrong word to say, as the moment Boruto hears it, his face screws up and he wails. “Oh, no,” says Tenzō, distressed. He holds Boruto aloft from his body and the cries grow louder. 

“Infants can sense fear, you know,” says Kakashi over the din, sounding amused. 

Tenzō’s eyes dart over to Kakashi. Boruto’s wailing is so loud that it takes Tenzō a moment to realize that Sarada has stopped crying entirely. Of course, Kakashi would be good at this too. “They’re not wild animals,” says Tenzō feebly. 

Kakashi shrugs, hoisting Sarada further up in his arms. “They’re very similar. Non-verbal, defecating openly, a hassle to train.”

“So you're basing your child expertise off of training your ninken?” In spite of his skepticism, Tenzō adjusts his hold on Boruto so he can mimic Kakashi’s earlier swaying motions. The crying doesn’t stop, but it does lower to a more human volume. 

“Well, that,” Kakashi concedes, “and I remember my D-rank babysitting missions with Team 7.” 

“I’ve never babysat,” admits Tenzō sheepishly.

Kakashi looks at him, surprised. “What do you mean? I know you’ve taken a number of D-ranks before. None of them involved looking after young children?”

Tenzō remembers his D-ranks well, but not for the reasons that most shinobi do. He smiles ruefully. “No. Actually, the majority of the D-ranks I took were simply covers for ROOT missions. It’s hard to steal documents from a high-ranking noble if you have to wait until nap time.” 

The other man frowns, but seems to sense that it’s not the time to pursue it. So instead, Kakashi asks, “Then what made you volunteer to look after a baby, if you’ve never done it before?” He raises his eyebrows. “You’re not usually one to act without thinking.”

It’s Tenzō’s turn to shrug. “I’ve never seen Naruto look so tired. It was difficult to watch.”

It makes Kakashi smile, eyes crinkled warmly above his mask. “Tenzō-jiji to the rescue, hm?” 

“I’m too young to be a grandfather,” protests Tenzō at the title. “And we didn’t actually raise those kids, Kakashi.”

“Tell that to my gray hair,” says Kakashi.

“Your hair has always been gray,” says Tenzō. 

Kakashi shakes his head. “It was silver,” he insists. “ _Now_ , it’s gray.”

Tenzō rolls his eyes, but he chuckles anyway. “Whatever you say. And even if I haven’t done this before, I can adapt. I’ve taken tougher missions than this. How difficult can one night of babysitting be?”

The answer to his inquiry turns out to be very difficult, to Tenzō’s despair. The immediate fussing of the two children upon entering the apartment was woefully accurate foreshadowing for how the rest of the evening goes. 

Changing diapers turns out to be a nightmare. If he didn’t known any better, he’d suspect that Boruto timed his urination purposely with the intention of getting it on Tenzō’s shirt. The joyful giggles he emits while Tenzō wipes himself off certainly don’t help his case. 

He hands Kakashi the blond baby while he goes to change. The other man is reading to Sarada, though it remains to be seen what she gets out of it. “Hold this,” Tenzō says, adjusting the baby into Kakashi's other arm’s hold. 

Kakashi sniffs the air. “Why do you smell like—?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He isn’t even in the room when Kakashi begins to change Sarada’s diaper, but somehow, when Kakashi asks if he’ll bring Sakura’s preferred brand of baby powder into their room, Boruto manages to squeeze it and a third of the bottle on Tenzō’s face. 

“That’s a good look for you,” says Kakashi, when Tenzō appears beside him, a white and ghoulish figure to rival his most ominous of expressions. 

“I hope you get feces on your hands,” Tenzō tells him sourly. 

Much of the evening is spent figuring out what exactly to do with the children. Even Kakashi is at a loss after an hour. He wonders how the kids of Team 7 manage to keep these infants occupied all day. 

Toys end up tossed on the floor. Playing peek-a-boo ends up with two babies on the verge of tears, unable to reconcile where their temporary caretakers could’ve possibly gone in the few seconds they hide behind their hands. Tenzō wonders if making faces will help, but he’s never been particularly good at looking silly.

Eventually, Tenzō hears Sarada giggle. He wonders what strategy Kakashi has picked out that’s finally been effective. Boruto’s big blue eyes turn in Kakashi’s and Sarada’s direction at the same time his do, and the baby in his lap lets out the same delighted noise as the one in Kakashi’s. 

Kakashi has lowered his mask. Sarada’s hands are on his face, patting it in time with joyful cooing. 

“The kids are going to be angry that their children have seen your face before them,” says Tenzō, trying not to smile. 

Kakashi raises a finger to his lips. “Sarada-chan won’t tell, will you?”

Sarada gurgles, which Kakashi declares to be a lifelong promise. 

Dinner is a mixed state of affairs. By Hinata’s instruction, Boruto’s dinner for the evening is a vegetable purée, but Boruto seems determined to put everything in his mouth but food. Tenzō has to remove the jar, tissues, and the bib Boruto’s wearing all from his mouth at intervals in order for him to even be capable of putting food in it. 

“He just wants relieve the pressure on his gums,” says Kakashi, as Sarada latches onto her bottle. “He can’t help it that his food doesn’t give him enough to chew on.”

Tenzō knows this, but hearing it aloud doesn’t really help with his problem. He wishes his usual leadership skills were more applicable, but he doubts Boruto would respond to respect or fear tactics. So he tries a strategy he thinks would work on a younger Naruto. “Come on, Boru-chan. You’re not going to let people think Sarada-chan’s a better eater than you, are you?”

For reasons he cannot possibly fathom, this works, and Boruto accepts the sweet potato. Tenzō holds back a cheer. 

Kakashi looks on and snorts. “He’s certainly an Uzumaki.”

“He just wants to prove he’s as talented as any other baby in this room,” says Tenzō, in a far better mood as Boruto eats what’s left of his dinner. 

“So  _now_  you understand babies,” mocks Kakashi, without any malice. “What a quick turnaround.”

Tenzō nods, ruffling the boy’s hair. “I think Boruto and I are finally becoming friends.”

Helpfully, Boruto decides to vomit. 

At bath time, Tenzō decides that they should switch babies. This is, it turns out, a regrettable decision. Because while Boruto has been an absolute hellion all evening, once he is in the water, he looks like nothing less than an angel, golden-haired with a bright, two-toothed smile. Kakashi washes his hair without any issue. 

Sarada, on the other hand, wriggles insistently as soon as Tenzō brings her near the tub. He can only manage to get her clean by turning his arm into a wooden approximation of a child’s toy and allowing her to play with it. 

“I think that’s cheating,” muses Kakashi, patting Boruto dry. 

Tenzō splashes him. “Quiet, you.”

When it is time for bed, it appears that Boruto has spent all his energy, so, mercifully, he falls asleep as soon as Tenzō puts him down in one of the cribs that he’s created. Sarada goes down not long after, and the two adults head to sleep.

As shinobi, they should really know better than to trust an unknown enemy. At four in the morning, they hear a high-pitched cry emitting from one of the cribs. Both men rise to check each crib, and the investigation reveals it to be Sarada. 

“Living room,” says Kakashi, quickly lifting the child. It’s a miracle Boruto hasn’t woken up yet. 

Tenzō follows him outside the bedroom, and heads for the kitchen while Kakashi settles into an armchair. He warms a bottle for Sarada, though when Kakashi offers it to her she only drinks half before returning to her wails. 

“What do you think she wants?” asks Tenzō, wishing he could help comfort her. 

Kakashi frowns. “Her diaper’s fine, and she isn’t sick. Maybe she just misses her parents.” He holds her to his chest. “Sakura says she likes it when Sasuke sings.”

Tenzō gapes. “Sasuke-kun  _sings_?”

Kakashi shrugs. “So I’ve heard. When I asked him about it, he ignored me. Difficult kid.”

It takes a moment for Tenzō to digest that imagery. He wonders, for a moment, if Kakashi will try to sing, but he knows from many a night at the karaoke bar that neither of them are very musically-inclined. Instead, Kakashi decides to lean forward and backward in his seat, a motion that is rhythmic, if silent. It seems to work, and the cries fade to sniffles. 

Tenzō stares at him as he rocks Sarada back and forth. A thought is plaguing him. “Kakashi... do you want this?”

Kakashi looks up, not pausing his soothing motion. “Want what? To be up in the middle of a night with a crying Uchiha? Not particularly.” 

“This,” he says, gesturing to the baby in his arms. “Kids.” 

Kakashi pauses, looking down at Sarada. He touches her cheek and smiles. “We had our kids,” he says gently. “And then they had theirs. I’m content with that.”

Tenzō sits on the arm of Kakashi’s chair. “But those four were already older when we got them. You don’t want one from the beginning?” 

Kakashi leans into Tenzō’s forearm. “I think it’s good that we got them when they were older. I don’t know if I’d have been able to deal with it, any younger than that,” he says, laughing. “Why, do you want one?”

“Not really,” admits Tenzō. His right hand reaches for Sarada’s hair. “I like what we have now.”

The baby has fallen asleep. Kakashi’s hand joins Tenzō’s. “Me too.”


End file.
